The most recent thing I have done, which also took much courage, surprisingly: believe it or not, was to start a Blog. Hesitating, from entering the blogosphere was, that I hadn’t written in years. Therefore, becoming a major factor, for doubting myself. This was the first time I felt challenged and out of my comfort zone. I have not had any doubts about myself when I was younger, as a lot of teenagers go through. Overthinking was something I hadn’t experienced due to the fact, as I was always sure of myself. Furthermore, had faith and overall simply anything I was interested in, I’d just put my head down and filter my brain for any negative thoughts and succeeded in doing what I had to get done, as best as could be possible! This was always my trait, not just on a good day but my attitude towards everything I’d do in life. Now, I realize, looking back because of this positive attitude I was always overcoming hurdles in my life pretty easily and many times not affected by it in any way. I would be happy even though, I didn’t always get what I wanted or my way, understandably. With confidence, I can say that I was God gifted, and unbeknown to me which later on in life became the envy of others, unfortunately.
As far back as I can remember, I was always an optimistic person and in a lot of cases, I would dream about traveling and staying in each country that I was to visit, ideally for 6 months, minimum. Learning the language, understanding the culture, furthermore, the history and moving on to the next destination of my choice. Basically, I wanted to be a traveling backpacker. I wanted to go on cruises. I wanted to be friends with people that were different than me. My hobbies included everything from skiing, roller blading, ice skating, snowboarding, you name it, I wanted to experience it. I wanted to see, feel and live life. I was quite a good footballer. I saw myself trekking, and swimming with the other things on my list. I had no second thoughts in any way or doubts of whether or not I will or won’t achieve my DREAMS. When I wanted to do something, I was always focused even without realising and, to be honest, I didn’t know of my potential until I looked back at the younger me, which was, recently.
I was 8 when I remember I wanted to be a writer “Authoress” as I used to say. I was outgoing, talkative and just full of life, so I decided I’d be a great journalist, Traveller and writer as these coincided with my, personality. My fondness with the Pyramids made me realise, I should also be an Archeologist. In my little mind, that word was so sophisticated. I would say it boastfully in front of people and they would instantly be impressed at how confident, I was in my decision. Well, in the end, it didn’t turn out the way I’d planned. None the less, I’m happy for the life I have and grateful for the people I have in my life! I can never imagine a life, without my family; my life. Every day is an eventful day (motherly love kicks in.)
One thing for sure, I didn’t for a moment come to terms with the lack of writing or reading in my life. It’d nag me in the corner of my mind, every so often but I wouldn’t let it wonder in my mind, or even try to understand it but rather ignore the thought and push it back, at the back of my mind. The communication I had with my brain and heart was through the act of writing. Taking a step back, therefore, all that gibberish coming together and making sense was a pretty amazing process. The regret, I had when I would casually look over at a bookstore as I passed by; I felt a thunderstorm of emotions brewing, within but I was barely ready to acknowledge.
I would see someone’s room, with bookshelves full to the brim; I unintentionally caught questioning myself as to why I thought reading was something, which would get in the way of my life? Why was I sacrificing my love of reading and what was the reason why had I stopped reading and writing and found defending myself saying,” how can I read or write or just read I’m very busy?” And in my life, there is no room for reading. But this I realize was taking the easy way out writing and reading due to the workload of my marital life. I remember someone had given me a diary, as a wedding gift. I had put it in my side table drawer and once in a while I’d take it out and scribble something on it, it felt great. It really cleared my head sometimes I’d write in the pages of the diary about my day and I can’t really pinpoint it but it felt like my mind had become fresh, peaceful. It was magical, my mood would become good. If I was tired I’d feel as if someone had charged me. It felt just, awesome.
A few years back, most probably at the end of 2013, after reading a lot of blogs I decided that I would also like to blog and in my mind I came to the conclusion that it was an online diary for everyone to read or DIY stuff. I didn’t know anything other than that. Self-doubt made me hesitate. I watched lots of videos of setting up a blog, I FELT ready to BITE THE BULLET AND START MY BLOG………I just FEARED what people would say about my writing, maybe they wouldn’t think I was a good writer mainly because I hadn’t done it in years. The fear of someone not liking what I had to write. Basically, it would crush me and any little hope that I had of becoming a writer. My writing had become rusty and plus to be a great writer I have to be an avid reader, which is true but my mind was tricking me “you are not perfect!” I felt stuck between my dream and my personal reservation. What is perfectionism? Can one ever be a perfect writer? And if so how can I be a perfect writer if I don’t try?! A trap my mind succeeded in playing on my fear and for a further 2 years which, passed and you know what I wish I started this journey earlier. Better late than never!
I spent the last 2 years writing in my diary about, my day and about the things I want to see a change in also things that are, really are close to my heart. Since I have started this blog, I have gained confidence I have gotten so much better at writing and now it’s easier than before and it’s taught me discipline of writing. I feel the need to write. I’m so excited and re-reading my writing has showed me how far I have come. It takes a lot of discipline to write especially when you have REAL people reading you’re writing.
Every day I’d be reading tons of blogs and other stuff and soaking it in me. A thirst that I wanted to quench as I had neglected something that was part of me. I’d download lots of books on my smartphone and wouldn’t put it down until I’d finished it. So, I figured no one was getting in my way of achieving my goals, except myself. At the same time, you need people to believe in you and encourage you coz I would still be writing in my diary if it wasn’t for my baby sister and brother who encouraged me and helped me in every way possible. I will be forever indebted to them. So this is how MOTHERELLA.WORDPRESS.COM was born and there’s no looking back guy! Seriously, I’m enjoying myself and now I call myself a writer…..I AM A WRITER. That feels so good!
I’ve got to say how much everyone is helping and supporting one another in the blogging community. They are such beautiful people. As I go along I learn new things on the way and one message I want to get to everyone who wants to blog or are feeling overwhelmed is, don’t try to be perfect. There is no perfectionism in this. You get better at this as you go along and learn things on the way. if u want to learn this all before setting up a blog u will be intimidated and it’ll be too much for u to handle.so let me know what was your journey was like? What did you fear? What was the thing that made you just bite the bullet and are really happy about it?
I’d like to say, Thank you to Social Media groups, they really are helping each other.